This was in my journal from 2 years ago:

My stupid fucking boyfriend lied and tried to hide his texts from some slut he was seeing. UGGGGGGGGGGH! Now I need to find somewhere new to live..  I’ll post more about it later.. It’s such a long story and my head is spinning.  I need some whiskey.

To top it off I’ve had this feeling of complete loneliness lately. I don’t know what to say about it. It makes me feel like cutting myself. I know it’s bad. I know it’s wrong. sigh…. Why can I never meet a nice guy? One that buys me things on my birthday, sends me flowers (black), whispers sweet nothings into my ears :* … A girl can dream can’t she?

It’s funny how stuff can change over time.  Back then I thought my world was crumbling.  Now I am so relieved and happy that things turned out the way they did.  I dodged a bullet.

maybe i should go out less?  drink less? i’d really like to quit my job…. today is a no-capitalization day.  that’s right.  that means no capitals at all.

last night at the club this 43yr old guy asked me for my number.  he was kinda cute so i gave it to him.  i don’t know why…. age really isn’t THAT big a of a deal.. oops, i broke today’s rule. sorry!!

so i got this thing to try and take my mind off my kevin.

It’s not working.

Maybe I should setup a tattoo apt. or buy something expensive. I don’t know what to do. Why does this always happen to me? Sometimes I feel like I’ll never meet a guy that I like? Why am I putting this stuff on here??

hmmm. I wish it wasn’t so lonely here. I hate this city. Everyone knows everyone and there is nothing to do.